Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
my sisters under your porch take her home
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
