I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
