It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
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