wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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