My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize