if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
