I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
