we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
