You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
