..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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