My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
