I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
