I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Sober January is a disaster.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
