Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
