if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
where are my eyebrows?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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