found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
