i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
