I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
