I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
