it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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