I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
