Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It was like getting head from an anaconda
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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