We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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