I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize