I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
