My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
