I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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