I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
