I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
