Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
