That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
