and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
