i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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