I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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