They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
