There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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