I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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