Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
