The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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