I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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