I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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