Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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