You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
