So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
