Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
