Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
