You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
