Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
