I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
COCAINE IS GR8
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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