I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
