She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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