dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
