if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize