Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize