are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Houston, we have a blender
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
