In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
