I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
