can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
