Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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