dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
