Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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