"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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