Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm both gender and math confused
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
