you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
