y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i permit you to call me
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
